An Introvert's Unexpected Journey
If hobbits were real then I would be one of them. I’ve known this since I read J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit for the first time when I was twelve. Like many hobbits I enjoyed the comforts of home. I loved the small town of Chatsworth, Georgia where I grew up; where I was surrounded by family and friends. I also loved sitting for hours at the house writing stories, reading, and watching my favorite movies. Hobbits, in my mind, were these brilliant introverted creatures in which I saw so much of myself.
I liked the idea of having adventures that consisted of facing your fears and slaying dragons but when it came to doing new and adventurous things I didn’t find that particularly appealing. Yet something inside me poked at my comfortable walls saying: the world is so much bigger than your books and movies…there are bigger and better things to be had. Such thoughts I would immediately squash down with a “shut up; I’m fine where I’m at!”
Four years later I was given an opportunity to do something extraordinary. Someone selected me to be a part of the People to People International Travel Program. I was asked to go as an American ambassador for their 2007 summer trip to New Zealand and Australia.
To my parents astonishment I begged to go. I begged to go because in my mind New Zealand was the closest thing I was ever going to get to actually stepping inside the world of my beloved books and movies. Other than that fact I cannot give any other reason as to why, at the age of sixteen, as a comfortable introvert, that I wanted to travel half way across the world by myself.
I was terrified.
Like Bilbo Baggins the very idea of stepping onto the road and setting off to find treasure and to slay a dragon was insane. But then again, like Bilbo Baggins…
“…something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees, and waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking stick.”
I then decided to go get my first job to raise the money to step out of my comfort box and go on this great adventure. I packed my books and my journals and tried my best not to throw up as I walked through the Atlanta airport to catch my flight.
My mom would later describe it as one of the most determined moments of my life. I had tears running down my face, my whole body shaking, and the knuckles on my hands were white as I clutched my passport. I wanted to jump back into the car with my parents and go home but I knew that if I did I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I set my jaw and stepped onto the plane.
I wish I could say that I made tons of friends. I wish I could tell you that I wasn’t bullied for being the “poor kid” who had to get a job to go on the trip. I also wish I could say that the teachers on the trip were great mentors who helped me grow and cultivated a relationship with me. Sadly it was the complete opposite.
I have two very distinct memories from that trip. The first one was how my teachers kept telling me how my pictures would be more interesting if they had people in them. The second is when one of the girls in my group asked me why I couldn’t be more “fun”. My teachers also were trying their best to constantly remind me that it would be best for me to be more outgoing and energetic. I was representing the United States of America after all.
No pressure, right?
So the main message that I was getting from my peers and my mentors on that trip was that my introverted nature was wrong and unacceptable. Basically I spent the entire trip thinking that there was something wrong with me which was unsettling because I didn’t know how to be anyone else except myself.
I have experienced many situations like this since that trip. And as I have become an adult I’ve learned how to adapt and to be more “acceptable” as best as I can. It is a daily task of slaying each loud, extroverted dragon at a time so that at the end of the day I can crawl back into my hobbit hole and recharge with Netflix or a book.
Susan Cain the author of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, said:
“A third to a half of the population are introverts. So thats one of of every two or three people you may know who are introverted.”
Cain goes on to discuss how our society has become designed mostly for extroverts. Schools expect children to sit in groups of six or seven to do their work even for subjects such as math and creative writing. This seems crazy to me considering such subjects would be better for a more solitary assignment. According to her research Cain also said:
“…a vast majority of teachers reports believing that the ideal student is an extrovert as opposed to an introvert. Even though introverts actually get better grades and are more knowledgeable.”
In the work place we are to believe that all creativity and productivity comes from a very “gregarious place”. We have open office spaces with constant noise and communication of coworkers. Cain states that when it comes to leadership positions introverts are often not chosen. Even though introverts are more careful and less likely to take outside risks. Even Adam Grant, a professor at Wharton University, found that introverted leaders can bring better outcomes than extroverts. It is because when working with their employees they are more likely to listen to them and let them run with their ideas. In contrast extroverts can be overwhelming and, without meaning to take over a project or an idea.
There are so many well known leaders who are introverted: Rosa Parks, Eleanor Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, and even the great Oxford professor J. R. R. Tolkien. All of these leaders and teachers took the spot light in their own way. They changed the world by being who they were no matter the circumstances of where they were placed even when they were out of their comfort zones, boarding the plane to strange places, and trying not to puke on the person in front of them at security.
While I was in New Zealand I knew that I had ample opportunity to tell one of the teachers that I wanted to go home. I was even offered the opportunity to go home more than once but I chose to stay.
I suppose my thought process consisted of something like this: Well…I’ve come this far. I can’t quit now. How disappointing would it be if I never made it to Australia.
I also couldn’t get Tolkien’s words out of my head. It was what he wrote in The Hobbit when Bilbo was wandering around in the dark tunnels of the Misty Mountains.
“Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.”
I would have to agree with Susan Cain when she said that we need more of a balanced society where both introversion and extroversion. We can’t expect half of the population to be only one thing when we stop and think about the differences between us in not just the United States but also all over the world. Even Bilbo had to find ways to adapt and accept the differences of his traveling companions, the dwarfs.
If I were given the chance to change one thing about my experience in New Zealand and Australia I wouldn’t. I got to see and experience amazing things. The most fun I had while I was there was with my home stay family where they did their best to make my favorite meals and tell me stories about their lives and culture. My home stay mom helped me figure out how to use the phone to call home so that I could let my parents know how I was doing. I took over 500 beautiful and EXTREMELY interesting pictures of mountainous landscapes. Most importantly I learned that I’m fiercely loyal to be who I am in all situations and circumstances. I also know that despite any event in my life I can withstand anything.
It simply reenforces what A. A. Milne wrote in Winnie the Pooh.
“Please promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
